I’ve been hard-narcotic free for a little over two years now. It’s been a long road getting to where I am now, and all my changes for the positive have been worth the hard work, focus, and abstinence. My family relationships have gotten better, I’ve accomplished becoming an independent adult, renting a condo on my own, paying the bills on time, going to work. In the past few months though, I’ve been having trouble staying happy without drinking, without masturbation, without drugs. My oldest friend and I have been down the addict road together, and while I’ve been able to make some progress out of it for quite a while, it’s not been so easy for him. Lost his father, lost most of his friends, still drinking heavily and using heroine. We used to do all that together. Recently, he had someone deliver him some H to my place while we were hanging out. I wasn’t happy about it, of course, but I always try to put myself in his shoes when it comes to the reasons for continuing use. Anyway, he smoked it in my house, and started getting sick, heaving over the toilet for a good 20 minutes. When he came out, we had a heart to heart about it, telling him how much it concerned me, and that I really hoped he’d get better. He told me how sorry he was for doing it in my house, and gave me the H to put it away from himself. I told him I’d get rid of it, but I never did. I came home from work today, had a couple beers, and lost my will to stay away from it. So, here I am, smoking it, wondering how this will turn out. Not sure how to feel, all I know is that my inner impulse is telling me that I don’t get many chances to get high anymore, especially with this stuff. I’m such a hipocrit. I feel bad for it, but obviously not that much, or I’d have already thrown it out. Oh well.
Addiction | 3 weeks ago
I Feel This